Voices
by JAT.NJ
Summary: A short blurb set after Torn. Spoilers for Season 3 to date with some references to the Unfinished Business trailers. Lee.Kara. AngstFluff. Summary: Lee deals with the voices in his head.


Disclaimer: The world of BSG belongs to far more creative people than me. My humble fanfic, from which I make no money, is an homage to their genius.

**Voices-**

Everyone was gathered in the pilot's rec room, leaving the officers' lounge blissfully empty. Lee wanted to be alone with a bottle of the Chief's finest.

His father's voice sounded in his head as he poured his first glass; a replay of an earlier conversation. _You have to find a place for yourself on Galactica again. I'm reinstating you as CAG until you decide what you want to do._

He had given Lee the ultimatum once things had settled down after the rescue mission to New Caprica. Lee downed the alcohol in one shot, hoping to quiet the voice. It was a decision he wasn't yet ready to make.

He raised a second glass in a silent toast to procrastination.

Despite his reservations, he had to admit he was excited about flying again. It was the one thing he missed most when he became the commander of the Pegasus, and he relished the thought of being in a viper again. He didn't relish seeing _her_ again, however.

Honestly, he could work the schedule so that he'd never have to see Starbuck on the hangar deck, but he'd still have to see her in the pilot's rec room and in the senior officer's quarters. Of course, if he ran off and joined the marines or retired into the civilian population, he could avoid her almost entirely.

He could run away from her. It wasn't any more consideration than she had shown him.

"_Kara Thrace loves Lee Adama."_

Frak. There wasn't enough alcohol in the fleet to silence _that_ voice, or dull the memories that went with it.

He had finally reached a point where he could look at his wife and not see the decision Kara had made for him. Where he could make love to Ana without the fear of calling out Kara's name. Where he could look into _Ana's_ eyes and see his future.

He didn't want to let Starbuck ruin what had taken him so long and hard to create. He didn't want her back in his life. Until she almost died her first time back in the cockpit and shattered every glass wall he had carefully constructed to keep her out.

He wasn't angry that she had disobeyed orders, flown out of formation, nearly killed another pilot and put two vipers out of commission. He was mad because she had destroyed his fragile illusion that he could exist without her and he was furious because the only thing he wanted was the last thing he wanted: to throw away his pride and his marriage, gather her into his arms and beg her to love him.

Instead, he yelled at her, telling her in no uncertain terms that she was of no significance to him. He pushed her away like she had done to him. He took something important away from her like she had done to him.

But he didn't feel any better for it.

He finished another glass and ran his hands across his face and through his hair, grateful that the alcohol was finally starting to numb his mind. He didn't want to think anymore - about Kara or Ana, about his father or his duties.

He heard the hatch click open behind him. "Get out." He grumbled without turning around, but the person ignored him.

"What do you want, Starbuck?" He asked figuring she was the only person who would ignore his order or disregard his privacy.

Kara slipped into the chair across from him and slid her hand across the table until it touched his. He tried to pull back, but she held his hand firmly in her own.

"I'm sorry I disobeyed your orders." She said quietly. The sincerity in her voice made him raise his head to look at her.

"Is that all?" He asked.

She shook her head. "I'm sorry I broke your vipers." She replied with her signature smirk.

He shook his head in disgust and looked away. She released his hand and rose from the chair to walk behind him and placed her hands gently on his shoulders.

"Kara Thrace _does_ love Lee Adama." She whispered in his ear. "I'm sorry I couldn't face up to that sooner."

He turned to look at her in time to see her smile coyly as she pulled away. "And I'm sorry you probably won't remember any of this in the morning." She kissed him softly on the cheek before walking away.

"Hey, Kara?" Lee called out before she reached the hatch. "If I don't remember this tomorrow, remind me."

She smiled. "Sure."

Lee leaned back in the chair as the hatch clicked shut, a smile slowly spreading across his face. He was pretty sure he could handle being CAG.


End file.
